hidden in one of the drawers out at the reference desk is a manila folder. on the tab, written in a very un-librarian scrawl, are the words, problem patron log
. this is where we, librarians, file our potential problem reports
about patrons who are guilty of some infraction. it is helpful to keep this log because if some n'er-do-well crosses the line of demarcation and we are forced to ban them from the library, we can refer police and administration to this helpful log which outlines their history of infractions.
while legend has it that the downtown library throws folks out on an almost hourly basis, here at our humble branch, we rarely have to hand down a verdict of banishment. for me, the problem patron log
is instead used for quick giggles in the middle of a slow day. yesterday was beautiful; there were wide open blue skies stretching to forever and, apparently, folks were getting their information needs filled elsewhere, because i had a lot of time to sit and pore over the problem patron log
. here then are a smattering of the charges filed against patrons:
"reminded [patron] not to use porn"
"[patron] frequently quotes scripture aloud"
"[patron] exhibiting disturbing
behaviors- lying on floor"
"patron called to ask if we had found a nude photograph of him"
"[patron] asked circulation staff member if she was happily married"
"patron harrassing librarians, then asked for books on lesbianship
"woman complained about 'stupid-assed' internet policy"
"[patron] was witnessed following female patrons among the stacks and watching them"
"patron talks out loud and sings to himself in a very loud voice"
"[patron] comes in and stays six hours at a time. never says a word...sometimes runs and dances. mental problem?"
"mother [at internet workstation] told to keep the noise and her children under control. the request was ignored. later, the youngest child pulled his diaper off in the middle of the floor. mother's companions sat laughing. all were asked to leave."
: gene autry "(i got spurs that) jingle, jangle, jingle"